Gatcha Clue
by Ebona Nite
Summary: For all of us who love to hate that blabbering robot. Not recommended for Zark fans. One robot was harmed in the making of this fanfic. OOC and random silliness, incorporates one moral into the story. GatchamanBotP xover with the movie Clue, oneshot.


**Disclaimer:** I do not own Gatchaman, BotP, G-Force, or Eagle Riders. Nor do I own the Clue boardgame. Other people who are very lucky and rich do.

For all of us who love to hate that blabbering robot. Not recommended for Zark fans. Incorporates one moral into the story. Warning: Random silliness and some OOC. One robot was harmed in the making of this fanfic.

By: Ebona Nite

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**Gatcha Clue**

It was a dark and stormy night. Somehow, it is always a dark and stormy night in stories like this. It adds to the effect, I guess. And it makes it easy to explain way the power goes out.

"The power's gone out!" Ryu exclaimed. "It's a storm, wadya expect?" Joe sneered, and Jun hushed him. "Don't worry Jinpei," she said, "It'll come back on in a second." "I'm not worried." Jinpei grumbled, and Joe remarked that Jun was the one who was scared. That's why she had said that. The lights came back on as suddenly as they had gone off, and Jun started breathing again. Then she glared silently at Joe. If looks could kill, Joe would have died (_again!_) from all the daggers.

The cast of Gatchaman had gathered at Chief Anderson's mansion, called "The Residence", to celebrate the end of the season. They had just finished refilming their story into the Battle of the Planets version, which everyone agreed was worse than the G-Force version with the exception of the G-Force names and that bloody back-beat. There were already rumors flying around of _another _remake, titled something to the effect of Eagle Riders, but it was just too horrible a thought to contemplate. They tried not to think about it.

7-Zark-7 folded. "It isn't that I think you have a better hand than me, Joe, it's just that I want to give you humans a chance to win at Poker." he said grandly, completely ignoring the fact that he had lost the last four games. Then he swept from the room, saying something about looking for Ken, who was the only one who hadn't arrived yet. 1-Rover-1 decided to stay with Jinpei next to the Lounge fireplace. Jun got up. "I think it's time for more snacks." She said, "Ryu's already finished off the chips."

"No I didn't! It was Gelsadora!"

"Don't blame me, chunky, _I'm _on a diet!"

"Well, I haven't been near the snacks all evening. And I _saw_ you eating a big handful!"

"I most certainly did not!"

"Oh ya? So how come you've got crumbs all down your top – ?"

Jun left the argument in full swing and headed for the kitchen, smiling. Dr. Nambu decided to get away from the argument as well, and headed for the Library, leaving Joe, Egobossler, and Sosai X his cards. Meanwhile…

Meanwhile, Zark paced the width of the Hall. That is, if you could call gliding two inches above the tiles "pacing". "When _is_ Ken going to get here? I could do with some intelligent conversation." He heard a noise behind him and turned. "What's this, some oil? Oh thank you, you _are_ so kind. I was getting a bit thirst – what's that behind your back? Is that a  ? No! No! Stop! Anything but that! _Nooooooooooooooooo_…"

Zark's scream was covered up by a conveniently placed crash of thunder, another use for a dark and stormy night. The figure in boots and black hooded sweat shirt finished dismantling the robot, then smashed the more intricate pieces with the heavy blunt object it carried, making sure the fussy robot could not be repaired. Then the black-clad figure slipped out the front door into the rain. It hurried around to the back of the mansion, climbed up the drainpipe and let itself into the nearest room. The muddy boots were thrown in the closet, the wet sweatshirt shoved under the bed, blunt instrument dropped behind a chair, and the murderer slipped back outside, going over a list of things to do.

1)Kill Zark.

2)Hide wet clothes and weapons.

3)Leave false trail.

Back in the Lounge…

Back in the Lounge, Ryu and Gelsadora had finished their argument. Ryu had a black eye. The red-clad woman smiled triumphantly, and brushed the chip crumbs off her shirt. No one commented. Joe, Egobossler, and Sosai X went back to their poker game. Another thing nobody commented on was Sosai X. Joe didn't know how a disembodied head floating in a column of light could hold cards, much less win the last two games. Joe suspected him of cheating.

The poker game finally ended. Joe invited Egobossler to a game of pool in the Billiards Room. "Sure, but I have to go to the restroom first. I'll meet you there." The two also left the room, followed by Sosai X shouting "Me next! Me next!" Berg Katse finally woke up from his catnap on the window seat. "Wha's he next about?" He slurred, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes. "Either a pool game, or the restroom. I didn't want to ask which." Ryu said. Katse squinted up at him through sleep blurred eyes. "Where'd you get the black eye?" Ryu gestured at Gelsadora. She was asleep in the recliner in front of the fire. "Whoa! I must have been really out of it!" Katse exclaimed, "To think I missed something like that!"

Just then Jun rushed back in. As she laid a tray of snacks on the coffee table, a damp lock of hair fell into her eyes. "Took you long enough! What were you doing –" Jinpei eyed her wet hair, " – taking a shower?"

"No, the sink sprang a leak. I was trying to fix it."

"Did you?"

"Note the word _trying_; no I couldn't and there're puddles everywhere, growing. Ryu, Katse, can either of you fix it?" Katse said he'd try, and the four of them trouped into the kitchen, 1-Rover-1 at Jinpei's heels. "Yap yap yap! Yap! Yap yap!"

Berg Katse sloshed through the veritable lake in the Kitchen, and looked at the spitting pipe. "Hmm… a bolt came off…ah, here it is! Alright, I'll need a wrench – oh thank you Jun…there!" The pipe was fixed. The four got mops and buckets out of the broom closet next to the kitchen door, and spent the next quarter of an hour mopping up the Kitchen floor.

As they headed back to the Lounge, they heard the front door slam, and a voice called out, "Sorry I'm la –aaaaaah!" Jun, Ryu, Jinpei, and Berg Katse ran to the Hall to see what Ken was screaming about, joined by Joe, Egobossler, Gelsadora, Nambu, and Sosai X on their way. The six humans, three bad guys, one alien, and one robot dog stood (or in Sosai X's case, floated) and stared down at the smashed remains of 7-Zark-7.

"Ken, what have you done!" Ryu asked in a shocked voice. "I didn't do anything! I swear! I just got here and found him like this." Ken was nearly whining. "You did a number on him," Joe stated, ignoring Ken's protests, "Why didn't you leave any for me?" "I _told_ you, I didn't _do_ it!" Ken's voice was rapidly rising to a shriek of panic, and Jun decided it was time to step in. "All right, someone had to do it. Ryu, Jinpei, and Berg Katse were with me, so I know they didn't do it. One-Rover-One obviously couldn't have done it either." "Yap yap yap! " "I propose we lock the rest of you in the Study and search the mansion for clues." There were protests, but eventually everyone gave in to the nagging Jun and stomped into the Study, Joe grumbling about the unfairness of it all, Egobossler grumbling something bout bossy witches under his breath, and Ken whimpering "I didn't do it" over and over again. The murderer went over a revised list of things to do.

1)Kill Zark.

2)Hide wet clothes and weapons.

3)Leave false trail.

4)Create a wild goose chase

Jun sighed with relief. "There, now let's search for clues. But no splitting up." Thunder crashed, making her jump. Katse laughed, and Jun lunged for him. Ryu held her back, narrowly saving Katse from being beaten up. Katse hid behind Jinpei. The quartet plus robo-dog started off towards the Hall. If they had bothered to look behind them, they would have seen a purple face surrounded by a column of light emerge from the Study and head towards the kitchen. In the Study…

In the Study, five people stared at the wall where Sosai had floated out through. "Do you think he'll unlock the door for us?" Gelsadora asked. "Do you think he can even touch the door?" Joe said nastily. Ken looked about ready to cry. So did Dr. Nambu, though for other reasons. He was thinking about his book, left on a table in the Library. Egobossler retreated grumpily to a corner, and leaned against the wall. He fell backwards with a thump, and blacked out as his head hit the ground. Nambu looked over. "Oh look, Helm found a secret passage. I wonder where it leads?" They stepped over the unconscious villein (Joe stepped on him), and felt their way down the pitch black passage. In the Billiards Room…

In the Billiards Room, the would-be detectives stood, stumped. They'd gone to the Hall, found footprints outside, and followed them halfway around the house until Jun's flashlight had run out of batteries. Then they'd gone back inside to look for muddy footprints. The only ones they found were the ones they were making, and some around the Kitchen from when Jun had been drenched by the broken kitchen plumbing. They had wandered around aimlessly and had ended up in the Billiards Room. Ryu and Katse started a game of pool. Over in the Kitchen…

Over in the Kitchen, Ken, Joe, Nambu, and Gelsadora discovered the end of the passage in the freezer. They stepped out shivering. "Well," said Ken, "I guess we should go find the others." They split up. The Kitchen was quiet for a few moments, and then the freezer moaned.

Egobossler climbed out of the freezer. His head hurt. He felt like he'd been stepped on. His fellow suspects had deserted him. He'd lost all his money in the Poker game. This was not his night. Egobossler staggered towards the door. _Maybe Jun has some aspirin_, he thought. His foot kicked something, which skittered and clanked across the floor. He winced. Now his foot hurt too. The blue skinned man trudged over and picked up the wrench Katse had left on the floor. There was a flash of lightning, and the power went out again. Back in the Billiards Room…

Back in the Billiards Room, the detectives froze. "Uh, does anyone have batteries?" Jun asked nervously. Over the sound of the rain, muffled footsteps could be heard…

Elsewhere in the mansion, a shadowy man crept into a room. He felt on the floor for a sweater, and pulled a white one over his head. Then he picked up a lead pipe his hand had hit in its search. Gripping it tightly and hugging it to his chest for protection, he crept back out of the room, thinking, _I didn't do it, I didn't do it, I didn't do it…_

Another shadowy figure snuck into the Lounge, feeling under the couch cushions until he found what he was looking for. He pulled out the gun he had hidden, grinning maliciously. The armed man turned, took two steps towards the door, stumbled, and fell, discharging the weapon. "K'so!" He cursed as green paint soaked the front of his shirt, and reloaded the gun. _Time for a little fun,_ he thought.

A tall man crept into a room, feeling along the mantle of the fireplace. He found what he was looking for, took a packet of matches out of his pocket, and lit the candlestick. Then, he lit his pipe, picked up a book from the table, and hung his mustard-colored coat over a chair. He settled down in front of the candle, sighed happily, and began to read, quite oblivious of the mayhem taking place in other parts of the mansion. He thought only of his book.

Along a darkened corridor, a purple head floated, humming to itself. No one knew what it was thinking.

In the Billiards Room, the sound of footsteps had stopped, and been forgotten. Jun, Jinpei, Ryu, and Berg Katse were wondering what had happened to all the matches. Lightning lit up the room for an instant, and Jinpei screamed. He pointed towards the door (not that anyone could see him do so). "Look! Someone's there! In the doorway!" Katse lunged forward, and tackled him. Ryu tackled the figure in the doorway. Jun finally found some batteries in her purse, replaced the ones in her flashlight, and turned it on. "Oh for heaven's sake! Get off Egobossler Ryu, his face is all blue." _And it wasn't before?_ Ryu thought, getting up. He started to apologize, then noticed what the flattened criminal was holding. "Hey Blue Boy, why d' you have a wrench? And why aren't you in the Study?" "You left this in the Kitchen," Egobossler answered, "I thought it might be useful, what with a murderer running around. Oh, and we found a secret passage from the Study to the Kitchen. I don't know where the others are." "Well," said Jun, "we'd better go find them." She took the wrench from Egobossler and headed towards the door. Remembering something, she stopped and turned back. "Katse, stop sitting on Jinpei." Jun led the group out of the room, heading towards the Study. Egobossler snuck off in the other direction.

In the Ballroom, a woman in a red dress had found a rope. She smiled, then jumped at a noise behind her. Startled, she swung around, and saw a man. He shot her. Gelsadora screamed, and nearly fainted. The man laughed. "It's only paint. Or do you normally bleed green?" Gelsadora, mad, tackled Joe and tied him up. Then she took his paint gun and fumed out of the room, leaving him begging for her forgiveness, and won't she please come back and untie him? In the Conservatory…

In the Conservatory, there was a boom of thunder. Startled, the man in white bumped into a rack of shelves. He dropped the lead pipe. The rack swung back, revealing another secret passage. Curious, the man began to feel his way down the dark tunnel.

A moment later, Egobossler tiptoed into the Conservatory looking for another weapon. He saw the lead pipe and the dark hole in the wall. Picking up the lead pipe, he crept down the passage. Emerging from behind a wall hanging in the Study, the blue-faced villein crept up behind the white clad man. With one good swing, he knocked Ken out. Grinning to himself, he thought T_hings are looking up_. He went in search of his next victim.

A column of light floated across the Kitchen. Hovering over the counter, it levitated a knife. Carrying the knife, the column of light floated out of the Kitchen, down the hallway, and into the Dining Room. It began to set the table.

Joe scooted down the hallway. He watched the head enter the Dining Room with a knife. He waited until it left again, and slithered in. He pushed himself over to the table and bumped against it until the knife fell down, then rubbed it against the rope until it cut through the knot. Taking the knife, Joe stormed out of the Dining Room in search of Gelsadora. A glowing face followed a moment later with the rope. Back in the Library…

Back in the library, Egobossler had found his next victim. He didn't bother sneaking. Dr. Nambu was so wrapped up in his book, he never even knew what hit him. It was a lead pipe. Wielded by Egobossler. In the Library.

"Hey!" Egobossler swung around. Joe stood in the doorway, mad, holding a very sharp knife. "What did ya do to Hakase? You're gonna pay!" Joe charged, but Egobossler's weapon was longer. He knocked Joe out. Gelsadora, right behind Joe, was angry at being deprived of her revenge on Joe for ruining her new clothes. She screamed in fury and shot Egobossler instead. Egobossler knocked her out as well.

A column of light floated through the door. It looked delighted, and levitated the candlestick. Egobossler screamed, and took a swing at it. The lead pipe went right through it of course, and the shaft of light dropped the candlestick on the blue man's head, knocking him out. Then it left the rope on the floor, levitated both the candlestick and the knife, and brought them back to the Dining Room, whistling off-tune to itself.

Jun sprinted out from the Kitchen, followed by Ryu, Jinpei, and Katse. They had found the secret passage from the Study to the Kitchen. The four ran to the Library, having finally heard the last one of the many screams that night. On their way, Ken staggered out of the Lounge and joined them.

Reaching the Library, the five found Dr. Nambu and Joe already awake though still a bit groggy, Gelsadora just waking up, and Egobossler still out like a light. Speaking of lights, the lights chose that moment to flicker back on, accompanied by a drum roll of thunder.

After everyone had been woken up and given aspirin, the entire party wandered back to the scene of the crime – the first one, anyway – and stared numbly down at Zark's smashed remains. "So… who did it anyway?" Dr. Nambu asked, "Did anyone find out?" Everyone shook their heads. "Well then," Egobossler snarled, "why don't we just hand Ken over to the police and have done with it?" He'd had a good night, knocking out four people, but it had been rather ruined by being knocked out himself. And his headache was back.

There were murmurs of agreement and Ken started whimpering again. "No!" Everyone looked at Jun, who suddenly looked nervous again. "I mean, well – oh bother. Fine. I confess. I killed Zark. I couldn't _stand_ him, and the way he talked and acted. Sure I'm a girl, but that doesn't mean I'm stupid or helpless! That's sexism, I tell you! I'm an expert with computers and explosives, and I know how to fight as well as the guys! And I can be mean when I want to be!" She ended her speech in a rather pouty tone, but no one noticed. At least, no one dared to point it out to her. Everyone looked at her for a moment, then shrugged. Then, hungry, they headed towards the Dining Room and the Kitchen, in search of food. Sosai X met them outside the Dining Room, bobbing excitedly in his column of light. "Look," the purple head shouted, "I made dinner! Who's hungry?"

And the murderer went over her final draft of things to do.

1)Kill Zark.

2)Hide wet clothes and weapons.

3)Leave false trail.

4)Create a wild goose chase.

5)Give up. Confess.

6)Get off on technicality; _nobody_ liked Zark.

Jun smiled to herself as she followed the others into the Dining Room. It had turned at to be a good party after all.

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So what do you think of my first attempt at fanfiction? Like it? Don't like it? Review please! But please no flames - just tell me politley _why_ you don't like it so I'll know what to fix. Constructive criticism is good. Yelling incoherently that it sucks is, well,bad; it doesn't help me at all. 


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